i don't get things around here. no wait, i'm starting to be back to who i was. starting to hate things again.

fucking stop nagging at me. i'm sick of it. at least i'm better off here. i was too bored that i started doing random stuff which was again boring.

SERIOUSLY STOP BUGGING ME IN LIFE -'-

why can't i fucking enjoy my holidays?! I WAS DEAD TIRED OF GOING TO SCHOOL ALREADY AND NOW IT'S MY HOLIDAYS. TAK SALAH KAN KALAU AKU NAK LAZE AROUND. AT LEAST BUAT JUGAK KERJE APE KAT RUMAH NI DARIPADA NOTHING. FUCK YOU, REALLY.

I'm missing that china boy. dah lama ah tak bebual and kacau dia. lol, told mum that he was in china now and guess what she said? 'oh dia balik kampung dia?' HAHAHAHA WTF MAK AKU PUN SAMA

nak keluar tapi takda kawan :'( kay wtf, damn loner, ni case serious!

yest night dream was damn weird yet scary. idk why i woke up and kept thinking bout it. tu like 1 minute after i woke up. next minute whole mimpi dah lupa, HAHAHAHA LOSER SIA AKU.

k dah. hari ni aku high semacam. asek bebual je. but then rumah ni takda orang nak bebual ngan, so ini blog pun jadi ah! ;)

minus kak tasha who was missing go idk where, aqid raziq and irfan yang paling kat blakang sampai tak nampak, and arwah atuk and pak long yang dah takda, whole BABA family. ah yes, overload of boys. 8 aunties, 7 uncles, 1 nenek.

awwwwww, look at how much we've grown :') from cute little kids to epicly old people.

HAHAHAH WTH just realise abang khairudin is at the end of the right side of both photos!

HAHAHA, chatting with kak diana some random stuff. why this person so random since yesterday ah?

guess what she said?

"if u're an ugly kid ull turn up fine

if u're a super cute kid ull gonna end up normal

or remain the same for all your life, no up and down"

And we even did evaluation for some of our cousins. and guess which one she said i am? THE LAST ONE! HAHAHAHA

Theory of a 27 year old.

forever raya hang out and bitch together! HAHAHAHAHA.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, SELAMAT HARI RAYA EBERYBODEHHHHH!

don't know why but i feel like blogging though i had a long day.

so every year, without fail, we will always raya at kampung. but thank god to pak uda (our hero this year) who tergerak hati to balik kampung the night before, he informed that the kampung have no electricity at all. so at first pak lang said he won't be coming back. if pak lang tak balik then mak long also. then there will be no nisa, pt and kak diana :( BUT LUCKILY, pak lang changed his mind last minute. ALHAMDULILLAH! so kita semue raya la di johor, rumah kedua ateh. naseb ada itu rumah, kalau tak, it's either we have to travel up to kl or raya in singapore and raya seperately :'( AWWWWW.

it's already the 18th raya i celebrate with them. kay practically 17 la. if one year i don't see them on day 1, i won't feel like it's raya. so pak lang + mak long's fam reached at 4am in the morn i heard cause they sesat? woah. pity them. and i pity mak lang's fam. they're gonna balik kelantan tomorrow. and pak uda's, they going to balik perak. OHMYGEE. today already travel all the way to jb, tomorrow...

okay that aside. this year, with a good environment, photo spamm ah. like finally, family photos and stuff. i brought my polaroid, and everyone was asking how much i bought and stuff. LOL! uploaded the polaroid pics, but waiting for the extremely loaded camwhored pics plus all the raya nice nice pics. YEEHAA.

so in the evening, pak lang plus mak long fam departed first. uhh, pak lang brought both his mercedes and toyota estima. i thought he drove his estima, that big ass kereta. but when i think again, no way will pak lang let either abang faiz/anen drive that merc! so i was right. all i saw was mak lang, pak lang and pt in the mercedes. and the estima? anen abang faiz nisa faidhi kak diana mak long and abang khairudin. and anen look so steady sia bawak that big car! i bet abang faiz drove in the morn. but that car good ahh. all the kids plus mak long inside. then got anen abang faiz abang khai and kakak diana that can drive. LOL! long journey for them, a short one for me :x pity them seriously. al kisah kampung takda electricity.

kay so in the end, all i wanna say is i enjoyed my day  with them with fun and laughter <3 we grew upp together, and that makes me awwww. HAHA WE EVEN WATCH THAT VIDEO WHEN WE WERE KIDS, BUT I RUN AWAY HALF WAY LOL!

so after that, reached singapore around 8 plus cause we were the last fam out of the 7(minus ateh since that is his house) to leave the house. reached eunos around 9. mum should have actually called and inform earlier to say we were coming. but all i did there was stone, put ice on my irritating gums, play my phone (lucky it's in singapore!), eat kuih then balik. no i don't talk. no one to talk too. boring sia, don't like.

so here i am now waiting for pics. macam penat, but macam malas jugak nak tido. oh anyway, have a safe trip to and fro to azhar. i'll miss you bro! :)

asal nak raya je, aku rasa macam nak lari. entah la gi mana mana je boleh la, asalkan tak duduk dalam ni rumah.

kalau nak orang tolong, cakap baik baik. ni perangai irritating nak mampos. ape aku buat semue salah. then gitu, buat sendiri tak payah nak mintak orang tolong. paling benci kerje ngan orang gini la, serious. dah bagus aku tak tinggalkan kerje half way abeh belah, be grateful for that. aku penat ngan skolah still tak habes, shoulder macam nak pecah cause asek tunduk. kesah? tak kan. cakap aku ni pemalas la ape. woah sumpah, nak cabut je dari sini. i don't appreciate raya as how i used to. lepas atok meninggal je, dah ni semue jadi. ah papelah.

malam ni aku on rampage mode. siapa buat aku marah, confirm kene maki nyer. entahlah dah brape banyak kali aku maki maseh kat dapur tu. nanti aku solat terawih kasi tenangkan diri sendiri lagi bagus.

hibernate pun best.

you freaking wasted my time. freaking. and bloody hell, dengar la betul betul! ass. waste people time only.

One direction is my current addiction. ahhhh, *melts* <3

Niall Horan, HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. okay dah.

mum ask me to do something. but i didn't reply at first. and she asked me again, and i said no, abeh marah. common sense will tell you that i purposely avoided that question. ask me again obviously will get a no la. then marah sendiri, woah damn.

one paper down. the feeling macam dah habes exam. melampau right? HAHA

day: wednesday

current studying status: pharmaceutics - chapter 9/13
biochemistry - 7/12
pharmacology - somewhere ending of part 1 book, part 2 not yet start :x
microbio - belum start

i think imma die already. monday exam. EXAM OI BUKAN TEST! abeh skarang stress sendiri. tak tau nak start awal. part blajar, main, tido, slack. bodoh. skarang sendiri susah.

it's so hard to even open this frigging page. not like i can blog from the phone anyway.

well, sem 1 has finally come to an end. yesterday was one of a hellest day. surely, a damn memorable way to end the school term. 6 hours of biochem module. same lecturer. one whole day. 9am-6.30pm

buka with hadi azhar hakim mus and fiqa. i must say, i feel awkward. weird thing that is. everyone was okay. even hadi said he was okay when he talked to fiqa. but i don't. maybe there's just too many things in my head or maybe the way i look at her isn't the same anymore. she just seem like someone i once know. i don't know her anymore, that kind of feeling, surely struck me yesterday. one thing is, i barely spoke to her. the whole dinner, i talked to hadi. though both of them were beside me. well. i don't regret. i just don't get why. i kind of lost a friend, but i don't seem to bother much. hah.

cabbed home after that. but hadi wanted to lepak and talk. so he and azhar cabbed down to under my block and we talked for a while. headache was killing me. and i was shagged much. thanks to you both for bothering to come all the way to my place. you both still had to walk home after that

ahhh. exams in 2 weeks. i'm having heartstings marathon today. out of my mind? guess so. but i was too tired of the intense mugging the past few weeks. today rest, tomorrow start. hmmm, good plan.

Dah 4 hari aku tak puasa :( bukan tak nak, tak boleh eh. takpa, first week gone. at least, the rest of the week boleh. i want to do as many prayers i can. i want to get as many pahala i can. i don't even know if i can meet Ramadhan next year or not, so must make full use of every ramadhan.

my sister have bitchy friends. best friends i mean. swear i cannot see them. one macam muka innocent, one muka tak tau la macam mana. macam nak tampar je ni satu budak bila aku tengok muka dia. i swear my sis changed because of them. she wasn't like this before. but these days.... i'm already sick of her attitude. kurang ajar nak mampos! sepak rembat upper punch jugak aku boleh kasi. kawan dia semue gatal NAK MAMPOS. it's not even like farhan la (oops sorry bro. ni bukan ngumpat eh, kau baca!) they talk about boys like lelaki tu air gitu. and okay la, 12 year olds, hormone raging. tapi ni raging macam nak maut nyer, APE NI!?!?!?!?! GATAL NAK MAMPOS SIA. mintak kene rembat sia ni semue budak. ISH)(@*#@&#^@ and naseb aku tak rembat je tu budak tadi. and ibu scolded adilah. i don't blame ibu. MEMANG PATUT TU BUDAK KENE! she deserved it. ibu and ayah fought so much because of her. i know. cause it's either ibu told me or i see. i mean, adik aku ni tak paham paham ke. and buta kepe?! THEY EVEN THOUGHT OF DIVORCING BECAUSE OF YOU BITCH, SO OPEN YOU FUUUUUKEEEENG EYES. woah, sorry, bingit. i just don't know what to do with this kid. otak dah brain wash. tak habes habes lelaki. WOAH DAMN GATAL SIA. WOAH BINGIT AH

okay on the lighter note, 5 days weekend la siol. wednesday half day ;) only thursday and friday full day of school. i love this man.

I detest school. i detest how much shit i need to know in days. i detest the workload.

year 2 is killing me. there's half a semester left. and a year more to go. yaallah, bring me through this please, i'm gradually getting tired already. everything is draining me out and i don't have enough time

but thank you yaallah. thank you ibu. thank you ayah.

ayah, i will repay you one day. i can't bear to see you spending too much on me. you're working alone to support us all. and to have siblings that spend money like water. sigh.

Money

Struggling on pharmaco. quiz on thursday. only one chapter covered. trying to study now, but nothing is entering :( BOOOOOO

i saw him in green today. looks good.

farhan's friend is awesomely good looking. okay, i was like literally strucked when he was like standing somewhere in front of me. good thing he already have a girlfriend. HAHA. but seriously, that guy, woah *melts*

kay i sound like a bitch. and i think i need to sleep. but pharmaco..... AHHHHH JUST STUDY DURING THE 3 HOUR BREAK TOMORROW LA >:( and tomorrow MUST finish. CNS so much :( i think i study bout all this drug, i scared one day have to use on myself. ISH ISH ISH, nauzubillah.

kay bye.

penat siol. macam boleh mati. but astaghfirullahalazim, tak nak mati dulu. kene taubat first.

kay serious bye.

merepek sial aku hari ni, mintak kene tampak plus rembat betul.

OKAY DONE ZAKIAH!!!

Pagi pagi, belum mandi, aku dah induce stress kat diri sendiri by doing this practical. mana tak, nanti ada kenduri. pharmaco belum belajar. ni practical 75 marks. punya la banyak graph kene draw _|_ excel tu kalau excellent takpe jugak, ni mintak kene campak buang. sumpah kalau dia hidup, aku dah tanam dalam dalam dah. 1#$%^YU@(*&#@@)( betul!

dr sergei is as lame as ever. yesterday he was, sigh, idk how to say. oh i mean yesterday yesterday. semalam jumpa dia nak buat ape o.o

and we celebrated xinyi's birthday also. happy birthday girl! kay la, you're 19, i acknowledge! :)

ni skarang dieorang cakap orang kl nak datang. kalau tak datang, ngan rumah rumah  ni aku bakar -'-

woah pagi pagi je aku dah vulgar, not bad. HAHA NOT BAD OTAK KAU.

macam psycho bebual sndiri pagi pagi, kesian aku.

i feel like i have no one. so many things happen these days. weird dreams. but i kind of like it.

no more 922 guy. don't see him anymore.

i think i should get my mind straight. focus on school. tests coming up, but no books touched. good game!

i think i also need to wake up. the shit am i still on the same situation. kay, i know i can do this.

i know who i am. after what kristine said today, it kind of impacted me. oh well

inalillahiwaninnailahirajiun.

nenek pah just passed away :'( still remember the last kl trip with her.

just came back from a family dinner at ateh's house. as usual he switched on the childhood videos. but this time, aqid was there. HAHAHA he laughed till his face was red! and everyone kept teasing me also. they said i'm so cute, this i know :P HAHHAHA. but i saw how restless mak su was. she was rushing for time to go home. today felt weird for some reason, and irfan wasn't there cause he had to take care of nenek pah whom maksu said was really sick.

soon after, like 8 plus, everyone left ateh's house for individual homes. the moment i got home, we receive a call from busu saying that nenek pah has passed away. yes, i'm still really shock. i can't imagine how mak su will feel. she wasn't with her mum at her last moments. it was just irfan. she was with us, eating and having fun, and looking at kittens (Oh the kittens were cute! ^^ 6 some more!) and i don't know who will take care of her childrens now when she go work. and how her childrens and her sis children will feel cause nenek pah takes care of all of them since they were kids. i feel sad, it feels like she's my own grandmother.

and in the videos, i saw arwah atok. yes, i miss him again and again. 6 years passed, but everything feels like yesterday. i miss him, very much. i really wish he can see how all of us have grown up. especially me. i wanna show him how i am doing. i wanna show him how i'm not a weak children again. i want him to see that i'm learning about the kind of drugs he used to take. i want him to see how i'm learning about everything. but i was a weak kid 6 years ago. i was only in sec 1. my psle results was horrible as compared to aqid. i felt like i let everyone in the family down. but, he wasn't there for me to share my olvl results. how he used to take care of me when i stayed with him when i was a kid. i'm crying as i'm typing this. cause i really miss atok. i miss the love of a grandfather. i don't know where is my maternal grandfather, but that didn't matter much. i miss getting calls from kampung and get excited and shout for ayah when they call, especially if it is about durians or rambutan or pisang or cempedak. i miss going to kebun durian to find durians then duduk at the small pondok and imagine i'm a poor girl that lives in there. i miss going back to kampung the night before, prepare for the next morning and see mothers masak late night, and sleep with my cousins, and play bunga api before tido and talk till late night. i miss the old raya excitement in kampung. everyone used to look forward to go back, but just not now.reason why we go back every raya is because of nenek. cause she wants to celebrate in there. this raya, another routine.

al-fatiha to both arwah atok and nenek pah. semoga allah mencucuri roh kedua-dua insan ini, amin <3

i swear i feel so cacat to type without my left index finger. cut my finger while peeling potato. punya banyak darah like no one business. and i hate to see blood also. and the stinging pain no joke sia. put plaster but i have to take it off to pray. then it keeps bleeding again :( i hate loosing blood please.

so i woke up with the whole body in terrible cramp condition. my butt especially. and it's made worst with a finger cut and a blister on my shoe. lucky tomorrow no school, can have extra rest! but my plan to study today, fail terribly! :(

wanted to blog yest, abeh tengok city hunter terus jadi malas. HAHAHAHA

anyway, i had so much fun today! morning, went for badminton. aku high nak mampos. LOL. cause one, dah lama gila i didn't go for badminton, and every asked if i was fine, especially the coach (feel so loved, omg!) and then, after that, at the same venue, ada lelaki cute LOL LOL kacau concentration orang nak main siol! i think i kept smiling, this Hafiz said something. i wish Farhan was there. Sure plus chop he would turn to look at me to see my reaction when i see the boys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

bus-ed home, and quickly get ready to go out. i was fucking hungry i swear. i bought just hashbrown for breakfast, and the boys last minute down want to makan >:( a hungry girl is an angry girl. so i quickly siap, head down to fajar and grab mr bean. cause i was damn hungry, i bought 2 pancake, but i'm finishing the last one as i am typing this cause i could only stuff one at that moment. waited for hadi punya la lama, mak oi tu budak kalahkan pengantin. then we 700 down to town. and we saw an accident. a person trapped under a lorry :x and i saw ayah's car while i was on the bus. they were on the other side of BKE. Lol, sempat eh?

so we reached ion, then we walked around. bought sandals at new look and azhar bought his shirt at g2000. then from ion to cineileisure then to heeren then to scape then to 313 then to orchard central. HAHAHAHAHA. and i bought pumps at 313. MACAM NAK BUY MORE SHOES D: but thank you khamisah and hadi and azhar to temankan me shop around. i made them walk around so farrrrrrrr :x and we met yan lin at work at scape. azhar left first cause he had family dinner, so me kham and hadi waited like 30 freaking mins for a freaking 700. no sign of it, so after 8.30, we bought some drink cause we were damn hungry and cabbed back to fajar. bought twister fries LIKE FINALLY <3 then to fajar square and sat eat and talk. i love this girly moments like this. parted at 10, and i feel sad. idk when am i gonna see them again. i hate how they both say 'see you soon!' but we just don't know when is the soon. everyone is so busy with school. hadi, khamisah and even azhar :( dear farhan, i only have you left you know!!!!!

i enjoyed today in final. too tired to even type out in details. but i just love and enjoy today though it was short. next time i want shop i can ask them out already <3 hope to see them soon! and the rest also.

okay chiao. mata dah makin sepet. HAHA

Rindu ah mcclaire. ni case serious shit. when was the last we had outing ah? and when will be the next outing? RINDU </3 and even afiq post that on his blog, awwww <3

okay so, becoming a science student is kind of hard? STRESS LA SIOL. knowing all the consequences of eating/doing this. all the effects. recently i'm drinking WHITE milk to get my daily calcium. i need that. kalau tak nanti tua kene osteoporosis/rheumatoid whatever la. woah damn, tak nak bebual lagi. nanti orang cakap aku world pulak.

gave up watching transformers today to finish up the microbio and pharmaco combine pbl. woah susah sia combine pbl. i thought it would be easy but then kan, must have equal content. BUT THAT BITCHY GHANDI AH, HER PART LIKE SO MUCH SHE WANT _|_ TIME ALSO 20MINS PER GROUP?! WHATTHEHELL LA SIOL #isapsua #gimampos

4th July, dear ayah, happy birthday! <3 i think you're 48 this year? stay healthy and thank you for being there and bringing us all up till today okay!

Mum, sis, bro all called and texted me to ask me to get my ass home quick. wasn't even 7. that's a first. everyone keep asking, where am I? what time am i coming home. funny yet irritating pun ada. HAHA. and no luck sia today. waited for 922, but FULL. so had to take the train home. and i didn't get to meet khambeng thanks to the train also. it broke down. BOOOOOOOOO LAAAAA LRT! but i saw eerah while walking. she was in the shuttle bus.

OH OH OH ! i must say this. hahaha. there's this MALAY guy (i really don't get so .... with malay guys. all the guys i met in buses that i think is cute is all cinoneh) looks REALLY good. skin like woah. and from the side view, he looks like azhar. but no, he got no sepet eyes. JUST the kind of perfect malay guy. HAHAHA. from where i was sitting, he was standing  directly in my view. Yaallah, sorry that i keep looking at him. my eyes gatal, not me. idk if that was his girlfriend or adik standing next to him. HAHAHA ADIK, JOKE KEPE ZAKIAH?! but oh well, good bus ride :) i think i love buses these days. naik bus je nampak good things. i like leh. kay dah mentel, kene stop.

looking at facebook, i'm wondering how long does dr sergei spend each day on facebook. he's like forever there. status update la. and especially when we ask something in the class group, he can reply very fast. we're all like o.o but that's kind of good also. very efficient! any queries answered within minutes/hours.

MICROBIO AND PHARMACO COMBINE PBL PRESENTATION THIS THURSDAY. SCARED LIKE MAD SIOLZXZXZXZXZXZX. COMBINE LEH. AFFECTS BOTH MODULES LEHHHH. AND THAT PBL, I HAVE SO MUCH MICRO AND SO LITTLE PHARMACO. TAKUUTTTTTTT :(

missing hadi and khamisah. and azhar and farhan (kay la, masukkan je skali ni name). and haikal and hakim. and the other mcclaires. i want a meet-up with this people please, especially hadi khamisah azhar farhan. thanks <3

Hello July, goodbye June.

suffered too much in june. well practically for the common test, duhh. results out. not that fantastic. 1C (HAHA CLBC, THE PAPER RIGHT AFTER PHARMACO!) 3Bs, i think. careless here and there. i'll work hard for finals. but hey, if i was in sec school, confirm dah ada A dah. but heck, this is poly! 80 and above, then it is A. oh well, finals finals, i'll try my very best....to not dissapoint anyone especially.

My problem of cannot sleep at night comes and go. that itself is a problem. a scary one. to me. but Allah is always on my side, insyaallah

So i started my july pretty good i must say. CLBC pbl presentation done! first group to present some more. heh. then i saw richie! HAHA.  and i saw the 922 guy today also. eh wait, i've been seeing him the past 2 days also, only that today, he didn't wear the office-wear. he was in jeans (thight one i swear!) and damn fitting t-shirt. and his friend was another story. woah those 2. okay done. so today, i met azhar and farhan! yes i was happy, cause it's been a while since i last saw them. but what the hell sia! like a week didn't meet, merepekness makin melampau! astaghfirullahhalazim! and i still can't forget how azhar said 'oh okay' when i said i miss him :( break my heart into pieces only that guy! TSK HAHAHAHAHAHA. buat penat je aku carik dia. TSK. but anyway, thanks farhan for accompanying me to clementi mall. I GOT FOR MYSELF NEW PENS AND MARKERS. HEHEHEHE I WANT MORE <3 and i saw ha...today again. hmmmm, kay this one idk what to say.

school has been hell. just one week. about mylene and adlina, i can feel the awkwardness with them. even hanis and felicia said that. thank you guys for being with me. HEHEHE

kay today aku macam budak sewel plus gila. i want meet khamisah please. talking to her on the phone for a while just now was not enough la. let's bitch again some day <3